Alexander Kobulnicky

Everything that happens happens in Riverdale, and when our culture eventually digests a new trend, it’s a sure bet that, beet-like, it will show up in the urine of Archie Comics. The latest buzz is that the world of Archie and Reggie and Betty and Veronica is going to introduce a gay character, going by the not-at-all-20’s-sounding name of Kevin.

Now, what the point of having only one gay character is, I’m not sure. Maybe he’ll moon in soliloquy over Archie and Jughead and the gang, but it’s clear that no actual gay relationships are in the cards. I am a little bit confused that Archie Enterprises describes Kevin as the first openly gay character. Are we supposed to think that somebody else at Riverdale is in the closet? Can we really give that much credit to their inner lives? Is it possible that somebody is gay and the writers don’t even know it? That doesn’t seem likely. Like a puppy, Archie Comics exists in the eternal present, without secrets, memories, dreams or thoughts. Really, a shadow of our own world: Shocking new things happen all the time, splashed all over the cover, but when the next Double Digest comes out, nobody remembers a thing.